My first doula journey: from ‘novice to expert’
Yesterday I wrapped up my very first trajectory as a birth doula for a young family in my area, here in The Netherlands. We began our partnership back in September after a friend of mine connected us.
We quickly realised that we could help one another; I wanted to gain experience offering my birth coaching services and they sought support during a precious and delicate time in their lives. Sadly, my clients were not satisfied with their previous birth experience so this motivated them to take the situation into their own hands and incorporate a doula.
In all honesty, it felt like a huge leap of faith for this family to entrust such a sacred moment in my care. However, from the get-go, the confidence that they placed in me only reinforced what I already knew: I know what I am doing. I am meant to be doing this. We all start off as beginners. And if not now, when? As Amy L. Gilliland would say, I am a novice, on my way to being an expert. For me, it’s not about achieving a certain status amongst my peers in the birth scene, arriving at a set number of births or having the best social media presence (even though my ego draws me to these things from time to time). It’s about what lessons and perspectives I can gather along each stage of my journey, being present, and creating a positive impact for others so they can conquer childbirth with confidence.
For every couple that I work with, the trajectory can look a little different, as it’s shaped based on their personal wishes and needs. There’s always room to increase the frequency of meetings, for me to join midwife appointments or to incorporate extra contact moments and even yoga sessions.
So, what did my doula support for this couple look like?:
✨ First, the mother and I had a quick phone call to introduce ourselves and briefly discuss what the parents were looking for. A few days later I received a text saying we were a match!
✨ We started off our collaboration with a detailed intake session at their place — this is an opportunity to discuss any fears, apprehensions and hopes for the birth. If this is not their first birth, we discuss how their previous experience/s shaped them and influenced their current decisions. Of course, I ask: why do you want the help of a doula and what do you expect from me?
✨ We followed up with 2 prenatal sessions — here we discuss the physiology of birth and how this might feel, emotions that can arise during birth, various birthing positions and comfort measures to deal with the strong sensations that often come with birth, as well as the birth-plan
✨ From weeks 38- 42 I am on call — so I am ready to join the family whenever they need me. During this time, I hold space for the parents to reach out regarding their latest updates and to share any concerns. I find this an important moment to stay close to one another, and as we get closer to delivery day, every little detail can be of significance. So, nothing is too small to share!
✨ I was called to join the family for the birth in the evening. When I arrived, the mother was breathing through her contractions in the bath. She later moved to a birthing pool which she seemed to love. I helped to guide them through a powerful yet peaceful home birth. It was touching to see the couple utilise the tools we had practised in our prenatal sessions. It was even more beautiful to witness how the parter supported the mother through every single contraction. I spent most of my time sitting calmly and tuning in with the mother and what she might need in this intimate moment. Throughout the labour I also made some photos (safe to say I had a little cry looking back at them). The baby was then born safely and the maternity nurse arrived. After the family were settled, I cleaned up the birth space and went home
✨ Around a week or so after the birth, I popped in on the family for our first postnatal session to see how they’re were doing and if they needed anything. I brought along some herbal tea and flowers (after which I remembered, flowers: not the best idea for a family with a newborn)
✨ A few months later, we had a closing postnatal session to discuss how they had both experienced the birth, as well as any last points of feedback. We closed off in a positive manner with a cuddle, lots of gleaming faces and a family photo for my personal memory book
So what did my client think?
🪷 Both parents noted that my calming energy was infectious for everyone in the birth environment — especially the birthing partner. Just being there and holding emotional and energetic space encouraged them to experience the same sense of calm and thus trust for the process
🪷 The prenatal sessions proved to be extremely helpful tools for the parents to grab if and when they needed. For example the massage techniques came in handy on the lead up to birth as well as during. This helped them to feel empowered in a situation that had previously overpowered them
🪷 By regularly checking in with my client before the birth, it allowed her to share any fears or concerns that arose and reminded her that she was supported and had a whole team around her who would not leave her side
It was a blessing to have been welcomed into such a delicate space with another family. After our concluding chat, everyone was very positive about the outcome and the words of my client: ‘the government should subsidize women getting a doula’, will remain with me.
These words propel me forward on my journey in facilitating empowering births and educating couples on what they can control and how to surrender to what they cannot.
