Conscious Gathering
Work in progress
In the past, I’ve questioned the motives behind my tendency to over-plan the agenda when it comes to gathering with others. Do I actually want to be around others, or am I doing it because it’s what’s expected of me in a society that rams achievement, social success and being seen down our throats? Do I crave honest connection or simply want to keep my seat warm in some relationships? Am I even taking the time after being with others to ask myself if I enjoyed it and if I want to do it again?
There is an art to gathering
In the ‘The Art of Gathering’, Priya Parker introduces the idea that to have a fulfilling, conscious gathering of any kind (personal and professional), some reasonable thought should go into planning it. In short: consider who you’re inviting, what your role as a host is, where you want to host, what you want the activity to be and what you want the attendees to get out of it. Rather than throwing a dinner party because it’s the most practical way to catch up with multiple friends, Priya encourages us to consider, why do we even do it in the first place?
Whilst ‘catching up’ might seem like a logical justification when meeting with loved ones, if we dive deeper, perhaps the original purpose was once far more profound. Gathering with other people can be soothing, it can connect us to a sense of community and if we’re lucky, we might get to exchange ideas in fruitful and productive conversations. If we’re even more lucky, we can leave these interactions feeling motivated for change, or simply contained in acceptance and love from those around us. So what about the other times?
Sitting in the stale zone
Some of my more recent social interactions have been rather unintentional. Whilst the ‘let’s see how we feel on the day’ approach can allow for more present behaviour, it can also swing in the complete opposite direction and pave the way for a low-energy interaction. I recently attended a very thoughtfully planned birthday celebration of a newer friend and afterwards I left feeling like I’d just woken up. The celebration consisted of a sound bowl healing, followed by a carefully considered Ayurvedic lunch. We allowed our host to guide and tenderly direct the purpose of our meeting. It prompted me to consider, how long had it been since I’d come out of a social setting feeling present and excited and what am I so scared of when it comes to hosting more intentionally? Being around fresh faces, who aligned with a common goal, allowed me to be myself; and all the new versions of myself that had evolved over the years.
Desire for more depth
A significant amount of my socialising has been determined by by idea of ‘I should’ rather than a desire to contribute and receive energy from others. Since moving out of a city, I feel closer to myself and what I need to thrive or recharge: a slow pace and a gentle life. This slowing down has stimulated some consideration about how I am spending the rest of my time and if it’s being kept as sacred as when I’m at home.
Rituals as a gateway for connection
Introducing rituals to gatherings can be a powerful catalyst for forging connection and shared meaning. I’ve got a love-hate relationship with rituals. In times when I am in less of a flow-state, I notice resistance to any planned activities as it can feel too forced or even phoney; avoidant for what might come up. Yet, in times of flow, when I’m more in touch with my softness and thus myself, I seem to welcome activities that spark connection — with myself and others.
A few rituals that I’ve experienced as facilitating meaningful meetings:
Eating in silence for the first 5 minutes of a shared meal
After some opening words to introduce your shared space, eating in silence for the first 5 minutes can be a beautiful way to remain present in the space and with the food and flavours you’re experiencing. After those 5 minutes are up, share with the group if anything interesting arose
Conversation starters or spiritual cards
Laying out a spread of cards and inviting people to choose them can be a subtle way to nudge some thoughts and feelings to the surface. I love this activity because it draws people to gather and creates a natural setting for sharing
Group meditation
When a gathering has a clear intention like a baby blessing, a group meditation helps to set the tone for the rest of the day, encouraging everyone to take a moment to check in with themselves and to connect with the group
Growth beyond the borders
Whether the judgements and opinions come from ourselves or others, it can be daunting to challenge societal norms. But as I’ve recently discovered when opening up to friends about this topic, you might not be the only one seeking change. And if you are the only one, there’s nothing wrong with personal expansion and creating new connections that align with a desire to live more intentionally
